It's been a few weeks since I've posted to my blog.  I have tried, on occasion, to sit down and put some of my thoughts to paper. After a few paragraphs my thoughts would come to a sudden and emphatic halt.  Not sure what was happening, so I decided to wait, hoping that I would get the inspiration that I needed to finish at some other time. Still, nothing would come.  It had become disheartening because I love to write, not just for the sake of writing, but writing with purpose.
     "But the greatest of these is love" and " greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends", kept fading in and out of my thoughts in a manner that seemed as if they were leading me to some sort of realization.  Today I was led to Revelation 2:4, "Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love."  In a previous post I had written about the car accident that I was involved in that I thought was a turning point in my life; in my spiritual development. After that accident it seemed like I could feel the presence of Jesus, to the point that I felt like I could reach out and touch Him.  I wanted more.  I wanted to know so much more about Him and about the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. That had become my passion, my first love so to speak.
     Somewhere along the way I lost my passion for Christ.  Like Adam, because of sin, I tried to hide from God.  The more I tried to hide from God, the deeper I fell into sin.  I felt so far from Him that I could not, better yet,  would not hear His voice.   There was a part of me that yearned for that closeness, that feeling that He was near.  I prayed, asking Him to remove all those things in my character that was not like Him.  I asked Him to take away all the bad thoughts and bad habits that got in the way of my relationship with Him.  For some time I wondered why God wasn't moving.  Why wasn't he cleansing me??  I remembered the verse in Revelation.  I needed to get back to my first love.
     If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13)
     We go through life with man made definitions of what love is and we try to love based on these false definitions.  I have read this scripture before, but today upon reading it I felt tears streaming from my eyes. I had to read it over and over again.  The more I read it the more I cried. I had to let it reach my spirit, had to let the Spirit of God speak to my spirit. First John 4:16 says that God is love. So, if God is love, then you cannot  define love without God.  That also means that you cannot know love without knowing God. "Love covers a multitude of sins". The essence of God is love.  All of the things of God emanate from His love.  His grace, His mercy, His work on the cross. Jesus loves me in spite of who I am, in spite of what I've done.  If I am to be like Him, I must love like Him. If I am to love like Him, I must know Him. He has to be my passion.  He has to be my first love.  I can only love Him because He first loved me.