Let me begin by wishing everyone a very merry Christmas. And since it is Christmas, how can I not write something about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Throughout His life Jesus gave many examples of how we are to live. He taught us love, forgiveness, redemption and ultimate sacrifice. But there is a lesson he taught us even at birth that we don't talk a great deal about. Humility. The Son of God, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, and here he was, born in a barn, wrapped in strips of cloth, surrounded by farm animals. He was the epitome of humility at birth, and at death. So as we move forward, as we try to be more like Him and less like us, remember in all things to be humble.
Often I find myself thinking about life and all the little lessons we learn or ignore until we are forced to learn. I thought about how we are all family, whether by blood, friendship, or mere acquaintance. In some form or fashion we are all connected. We all serve a purpose in God's plan. Even those that refuse to accept Him, serve in His purpose. The people who come into your life, whether long term or just momentarily, serve a purpose. The coworker you can't seem to make yourself like. The neighbor that makes you want to slap the devil out of him, or her. The rude cashiers, maniac drivers and everyone else that annoy you to no end. They all serve a purpose in your life. So the next time one of these people crosses your path, remind yourself that they are just serving a purpose. Nothing comes into your life by chance. All things are purposed by Him. "But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." Matthew 5:39. Humility.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Prodigal Son
There are times in my life when I feel so close to Christ it's as if I can reach out and touch Him. It is an incredible feeling when you feel His presence. Conversely, there are times in my life when I allow the carnal man in me to take control. Then, I feel so far from Him that I actually feel lost. I go through much of my day feeling empty. Feeling like I am just going through the motions in every aspect of my life.
In the midst of all of my mess, in the midst of all of my sins, before I am too far gone, I can somehow hear His voice. I can feel my spirit fill with joy. Softly and without condemnation, He calls me. He forgives me. He reminds me how much He suffered for me, not to fill me with guilt, but to let me know that after all He did to reconcile me, He would never give up on me. He would never stop loving me. And if He had to, He would go to the cross all over again. For me..... For me..... For me. Seems as if during these times, He pours out more of His love. "Love covers a multitude of sins." His love covers all of my sins. Sometimes I too wonder, "Who am I, Lord, that thou art mindful of me"? Who am I that I have found favor in You?
Luke 15:11-32 (King James Version) 11And he said, A certain man had two sons: 12And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living.13And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.14And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.15And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.16And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.17And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!18I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,19And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.20And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.21And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.22But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:23And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry:24For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.25Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing.26And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant.27And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound.28And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him.29And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends:30But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf.31And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine.32It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
I Love To Write
I love to write
Could write all day.
Would keep on writing
When there's nothing to say.
My mind is a racetrack
With thoughts zooming by
Too fast to capture,
But I try.....and try.
There goes another thought.
Where's my paper and pen?
I start to write,
But it's too late by then.
It'll come back.
Play the waiting game.
Okay there it is.
Hmmm, it's not the same.
Aaah forget it
I'll write something else instead
Is there a tape recorder
I can put in my head?
Cause I can't keep up
No, it's not fair
I reach out to grab one
It's no longer there
I could sit here chasing thoughts
Well into the night
There's no point to this poem
I just love to write.
A Burden Lifted
Ten years ago my father went into the hospital for what was to be a routine bypass procedure. He had been in there for about a week leading up to the procedure. This time of year my workload increases tremendously. I was not able to make it up to the hospital to see him. I made it a point to get there as quickly as possible on the day of his surgery. I arrived at the hospital around 7 that evening thinking I would be able to spend some time with him. He was still in surgery. Complications. Very nervous. He should have been out of surgery hours ago. The doctor came in and explained to us that there were some complications, but he pulled through just fine. I went in to see him and was stunned. I could barely recognize him. His face was so swollen. He was still under anesthesia, or so we thought. He would be in this state for weeks, only opening his eyes once or twice just long enough for my mother to say a few words to him.
I remember sitting with him one evening, praying to God to make everything alright. At some point I could hear the voice of God telling me that my father would be okay. I knew it was God because with it came an incredible sense of peace. I felt so much relief. Another week or so, organs had begun to fail. Despite the sadness I felt trying to creep in, I held on to the promise that God had made to me. My thoughts about my father were still child like. My father was invincible. The thought of him ever dying was just not possible. Besides, I still had God's word that all would be okay.
January 8, 2001, God had called my father home. My entire world had come crashing in. I had never felt so much pain in my entire life. This could not be happening. I had God's word. He would not go back on His word. HE COULD NOT GO BACK ON HIS WORD!!!!! Maybe it wasn't God that I had heard. Maybe it was just me not wanting to accept what was the inevitable. I questioned God. Why? Being caught up in the emotion, I did not pay attention to what God had told me. He never told me that my father would live. He told me that he would be okay. The apostle Paul said in 2Corinthians 5, 6Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: 7(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)8We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord. So, in fact, my father was better than okay. He was with the Lord. Yet while the spiritual man in me had come to accept this, the natural man wouldn't. Soon my hurt had turned to guilt. I thought about not going to see my father while he was in the hospital waiting for the surgery. I thought about not being able to tell him all the things that I had never taken the time to tell him. I felt I had let him down. When he needed me to be there for him the most, I was not there. I was consumed by guilt, overwhelmed by sorrow. My heart ached like nothing I had ever known.
I kept my feelings of guilt to myself.
January, 2003, I had hurt my back on the job. The doctor thought that I would not be able to go back to doing my job. While going through treatment, I had to face the possibility of having to find some other line of work. Not now. I had too much time invested. Too old to start over. What was I going to do? Can't worry about it now. I figured I would cross that bridge when I got to it. In the midst of this, my mother had been admitted into the hospital. She was having heart trouble. For the next five months she would be there. The bad back turned out to be a blessing. I was able to spend more time with my mother during those five months than I had spent with her over the previous five years. There were so many things that my mom would share with me. Despite the circumstances, I enjoyed being there with her. Some times I would go and just watch her sleep. Some times I would go and she would watch me sleep. During all of these heart to heart talks with her, I could never tell her about the guilt I was still feeling. Somehow, deep down inside, I knew my mother would not live much longer. Based on conversations we had before she had fallen ill, I knew she did not want to live. She missed my father too much. She was tired. Tired of living. Tired of seeing so much death.
Even though I knew what I knew, I was at peace with it. I just wanted to spend as much time with my mom as I could. Although I had not told her of the guilt I felt about my dad, I think she could sense it. Shortly before she passed, she told me how much my father loved me and how he was so proud of me. It was as if the weight of the world had been lifted. I was free from my burden, though self imposed. My father knew how much I loved him. My mother knew how much I loved her. I miss them both, still. But knowing that my parents were both proud of me overshadows the sadness. The child in me rejoices. There is nothing that a child wants more than the approval of has parents. The man in me continues to strive to be the kind of man that would make them proud.
I remember sitting with him one evening, praying to God to make everything alright. At some point I could hear the voice of God telling me that my father would be okay. I knew it was God because with it came an incredible sense of peace. I felt so much relief. Another week or so, organs had begun to fail. Despite the sadness I felt trying to creep in, I held on to the promise that God had made to me. My thoughts about my father were still child like. My father was invincible. The thought of him ever dying was just not possible. Besides, I still had God's word that all would be okay.
January 8, 2001, God had called my father home. My entire world had come crashing in. I had never felt so much pain in my entire life. This could not be happening. I had God's word. He would not go back on His word. HE COULD NOT GO BACK ON HIS WORD!!!!! Maybe it wasn't God that I had heard. Maybe it was just me not wanting to accept what was the inevitable. I questioned God. Why? Being caught up in the emotion, I did not pay attention to what God had told me. He never told me that my father would live. He told me that he would be okay. The apostle Paul said in 2Corinthians 5, 6Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: 7(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)8We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord. So, in fact, my father was better than okay. He was with the Lord. Yet while the spiritual man in me had come to accept this, the natural man wouldn't. Soon my hurt had turned to guilt. I thought about not going to see my father while he was in the hospital waiting for the surgery. I thought about not being able to tell him all the things that I had never taken the time to tell him. I felt I had let him down. When he needed me to be there for him the most, I was not there. I was consumed by guilt, overwhelmed by sorrow. My heart ached like nothing I had ever known.
I kept my feelings of guilt to myself.
January, 2003, I had hurt my back on the job. The doctor thought that I would not be able to go back to doing my job. While going through treatment, I had to face the possibility of having to find some other line of work. Not now. I had too much time invested. Too old to start over. What was I going to do? Can't worry about it now. I figured I would cross that bridge when I got to it. In the midst of this, my mother had been admitted into the hospital. She was having heart trouble. For the next five months she would be there. The bad back turned out to be a blessing. I was able to spend more time with my mother during those five months than I had spent with her over the previous five years. There were so many things that my mom would share with me. Despite the circumstances, I enjoyed being there with her. Some times I would go and just watch her sleep. Some times I would go and she would watch me sleep. During all of these heart to heart talks with her, I could never tell her about the guilt I was still feeling. Somehow, deep down inside, I knew my mother would not live much longer. Based on conversations we had before she had fallen ill, I knew she did not want to live. She missed my father too much. She was tired. Tired of living. Tired of seeing so much death.
Even though I knew what I knew, I was at peace with it. I just wanted to spend as much time with my mom as I could. Although I had not told her of the guilt I felt about my dad, I think she could sense it. Shortly before she passed, she told me how much my father loved me and how he was so proud of me. It was as if the weight of the world had been lifted. I was free from my burden, though self imposed. My father knew how much I loved him. My mother knew how much I loved her. I miss them both, still. But knowing that my parents were both proud of me overshadows the sadness. The child in me rejoices. There is nothing that a child wants more than the approval of has parents. The man in me continues to strive to be the kind of man that would make them proud.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Every now and then we take time to look at our lives. We assess the things we have, our careers, the people in our lives. It is then, that we thank God for all that He has blessed us with. I believe that the greatest blessings are not tangible. They are not things that we can see, touch, spend, drive, or wear. For me, the gift of eternal life, freely given by Christ is more than just a gift. THAT is the greatest blessing God could give. The Word of God says, "Abraham believed, and it was accounted unto him as righteousness". Think about it. To live throughout eternity in the presence of Christ and all you have to do is believe. Being able to write this blog is a blessing to me. To be able to share the things that I learn, the mistakes that I make, and to see God's redemptive power, His ability to restore, firsthand is truly a blessing. As I move forward, as I continue to be blessed, I pray that everyone that reads my blogs are blessed twice as much as I am.
Matthew 5:1-12 1 And seeing the multitudes, he went up into the mountain: and when he had sat down, his disciples came unto him: 2 and he opened his mouth and taught them, saying,
3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called sons of God.
10 Blessed are they that have been persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 Blessed are ye when men shall reproach you, and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets that were before you.
Matthew 5:1-12 1 And seeing the multitudes, he went up into the mountain: and when he had sat down, his disciples came unto him: 2 and he opened his mouth and taught them, saying,
3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called sons of God.
10 Blessed are they that have been persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 Blessed are ye when men shall reproach you, and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets that were before you.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
In The Name Of Being Strong
In the name of being strong,
Pretending nothing's wrong.
Always wearing a smile
While your heart plays a sad song.
In the name of being strong
Never let them see you cry,
Never let them see the pain within
Even if you have to lie.
In the name of being strong
you cannot let her in.
No matter how much love she gives,
Your heart, she cannot win.
In the name of being strong
Here you sit alone.
Those who tried to love you....
Pushed away.......
Now gone.
In the name of being strong
No longer able to fight the tears
No longer able to ignore the hurt
You've carried around for years.
In the name of being strong
You cry, exposing all of your grief
Yet somehow in the midst pain
Your heart finds relief.
In the name of being strong
With no words left to speak
Realizing that being strong
Means accepting that sometimes
You are weak.
Pretending nothing's wrong.
Always wearing a smile
While your heart plays a sad song.
In the name of being strong
Never let them see you cry,
Never let them see the pain within
Even if you have to lie.
In the name of being strong
you cannot let her in.
No matter how much love she gives,
Your heart, she cannot win.
In the name of being strong
Here you sit alone.
Those who tried to love you....
Pushed away.......
Now gone.
In the name of being strong
No longer able to fight the tears
No longer able to ignore the hurt
You've carried around for years.
In the name of being strong
You cry, exposing all of your grief
Yet somehow in the midst pain
Your heart finds relief.
In the name of being strong
With no words left to speak
Realizing that being strong
Means accepting that sometimes
You are weak.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
FOCUS
There are times in your life when it seems as if you take a step forward only to find that you soon after take 2 steps backward. That is where I have been for the last month or so. My original intent in writing this blog was to chronicle my journey in my walk with Christ. I am in no way perfect nor would I try to lead anyone into thinking that I am something other than someone trying to get closer to Jesus. I make mistakes aplenty. I mess up a lot. If God had placed a limit on the number of mistakes one could make I would surely have exceeded that number. I hope and pray that as God instructs and corrects me, that there is someone who may be in a similar place that may be able to benefit from the lessons that I continue to learn.
For the past month, I have been trying to write. I have had numerous ideas but have not been able to put those ideas in writing. For the life of me, I could not figure out just what was happening. But God is faithful. I prayed in earnest, asking Him to help me to understand what was happening. The first thing I learned is that if you are sincere in seeking Him, in seeking His councel, He will answer. I believe that God knew my heart. He knew that I was sincere not just in seeking His councel, but it my purpose for writing this blog. God, in His infinite wisdom, allowed me to see myself without the blinders that we usually wear when we examine ourselves.
I had become so focused on writing the blog that I lost focus on the subject that was supposed to inspire the blog. I was walking without Christ. I had lost sight of His word. Somewhere along the way I had forgotten that this is about my spiritual walk and if I lose sight of that then there would be nothing to write about. So, I had to rededicate myself to Christ first. I have no idea when I will write in my blog. I can only say that whenever and whatever I write will be inspired by God. God is so amazing, in that what I thought was a setback, God used as an opportunity to speak to me, to lift and encourage me, and to point me in the right direction. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose. Rom 8:28. From time to time I guess we all caught up and lose our focus.
God knows your heart. If you are sincere God has a way of correcting you without discouraging you. He will
pick you, dust you off, and set you on the correct path.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
It's been a few weeks since I've posted to my blog. I have tried, on occasion, to sit down and put some of my thoughts to paper. After a few paragraphs my thoughts would come to a sudden and emphatic halt. Not sure what was happening, so I decided to wait, hoping that I would get the inspiration that I needed to finish at some other time. Still, nothing would come. It had become disheartening because I love to write, not just for the sake of writing, but writing with purpose.
"But the greatest of these is love" and " greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends", kept fading in and out of my thoughts in a manner that seemed as if they were leading me to some sort of realization. Today I was led to Revelation 2:4, "Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love." In a previous post I had written about the car accident that I was involved in that I thought was a turning point in my life; in my spiritual development. After that accident it seemed like I could feel the presence of Jesus, to the point that I felt like I could reach out and touch Him. I wanted more. I wanted to know so much more about Him and about the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. That had become my passion, my first love so to speak.
Somewhere along the way I lost my passion for Christ. Like Adam, because of sin, I tried to hide from God. The more I tried to hide from God, the deeper I fell into sin. I felt so far from Him that I could not, better yet, would not hear His voice. There was a part of me that yearned for that closeness, that feeling that He was near. I prayed, asking Him to remove all those things in my character that was not like Him. I asked Him to take away all the bad thoughts and bad habits that got in the way of my relationship with Him. For some time I wondered why God wasn't moving. Why wasn't he cleansing me?? I remembered the verse in Revelation. I needed to get back to my first love.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13)
We go through life with man made definitions of what love is and we try to love based on these false definitions. I have read this scripture before, but today upon reading it I felt tears streaming from my eyes. I had to read it over and over again. The more I read it the more I cried. I had to let it reach my spirit, had to let the Spirit of God speak to my spirit. First John 4:16 says that God is love. So, if God is love, then you cannot define love without God. That also means that you cannot know love without knowing God. "Love covers a multitude of sins". The essence of God is love. All of the things of God emanate from His love. His grace, His mercy, His work on the cross. Jesus loves me in spite of who I am, in spite of what I've done. If I am to be like Him, I must love like Him. If I am to love like Him, I must know Him. He has to be my passion. He has to be my first love. I can only love Him because He first loved me.
"But the greatest of these is love" and " greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends", kept fading in and out of my thoughts in a manner that seemed as if they were leading me to some sort of realization. Today I was led to Revelation 2:4, "Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love." In a previous post I had written about the car accident that I was involved in that I thought was a turning point in my life; in my spiritual development. After that accident it seemed like I could feel the presence of Jesus, to the point that I felt like I could reach out and touch Him. I wanted more. I wanted to know so much more about Him and about the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. That had become my passion, my first love so to speak.
Somewhere along the way I lost my passion for Christ. Like Adam, because of sin, I tried to hide from God. The more I tried to hide from God, the deeper I fell into sin. I felt so far from Him that I could not, better yet, would not hear His voice. There was a part of me that yearned for that closeness, that feeling that He was near. I prayed, asking Him to remove all those things in my character that was not like Him. I asked Him to take away all the bad thoughts and bad habits that got in the way of my relationship with Him. For some time I wondered why God wasn't moving. Why wasn't he cleansing me?? I remembered the verse in Revelation. I needed to get back to my first love.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13)
We go through life with man made definitions of what love is and we try to love based on these false definitions. I have read this scripture before, but today upon reading it I felt tears streaming from my eyes. I had to read it over and over again. The more I read it the more I cried. I had to let it reach my spirit, had to let the Spirit of God speak to my spirit. First John 4:16 says that God is love. So, if God is love, then you cannot define love without God. That also means that you cannot know love without knowing God. "Love covers a multitude of sins". The essence of God is love. All of the things of God emanate from His love. His grace, His mercy, His work on the cross. Jesus loves me in spite of who I am, in spite of what I've done. If I am to be like Him, I must love like Him. If I am to love like Him, I must know Him. He has to be my passion. He has to be my first love. I can only love Him because He first loved me.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Let Go Of The Wheel
As a child, my parents made sure we were in church just about every Sunday. I hated going to church. My brother and I would try any excuse to get out of going. We faked being sick, we hid our shoes, we even tried hiding in the closet (still not sure how that one was supposed to fool anybody). There were only 2 things I liked about church. I liked the choir. For whatever reason I have always loved gospel music. The best part of church was the benediction, for 2 reasons. My father was a deacon then, and he always did the benediction. I loved seeing my father in the pulpit. The other reason; the benediction meant it was time to get up outta there. What I didn't realize then was that seeds were being planted. I didn't really pay attention to what was being said in church, but still seeds were being planted.
There was a time when I believed that for as much as you read the Bible and tried to live according to it's principles, that you really only knew of God. Like many of the characters of the Bible, you couldn't really know Him until you had an experience with Him. Abraham, Moses, and down to Paul. God introduced Himself to His people. Remember, this is what I believed. So I continued to read the Word hoping that God would one day introduce Himself to me.
April 9, 1996 there was an ice storm here in Delaware. It was an unusual day, especially for me. That evening I had experienced an unusual sense of calmness. It was almost as if I had been drugged. I could not, for the life of me, understand why I was feeling what I was feeling. That following morning I had to be at work at 6:30. I raced off to work in a hurry as always. I remember passing quite a few cars thinking that it was odd to see that many cars out at that time of the morning. Shortly after I had passed the crowd of cars, I hit a patch of ice. I had to be driving somewhere between 70-75mph. Accidents usually happen so fast that you don't have time to react. This time it was just the opposite. It seemed as if time slowed to a crawl. I had been trained to handle a vehicle during a slide. This time, I never reacted. It felt like I was watching a movie of myself; like it was just an image of me in the car, but I wasn't in it. I found myself sitting in the car sliding across the highway, thinking to myself. I thought about the cars I had recently passed, wondering how close they were. I looked up to see if I could see any coming. I hit the guardrail head-on, bounced off, slid back across the highway and hit the guardrail on the other side of the highway(didn't want that one to feel left out). When the car finally stopped, all four wheels were in the emergency lane and the cars I had passed were right there. I was facing oncoming traffic. Still, there was no sense of panic of nervousness. I sat there wondering how I was going to get to work. A gentleman asked me if I was okay, which I was. Miraculously, I only had a bruise on my shin and a cut on my knuckle. I was not wearing a seatbelt. When the police arrived I explained to him how I slid on the ice, but I could tell he was not buying it. Just as he began questioning me about how I really slid, a couple of cars starting sliding off the highway. You cannot tell me that God is not an on time God. The officer offered to take me to the hospital since I did not need an ambulance. I asked him to take me to work instead. He politely took me to the hospital. After that type of accident, he said there was no way he could take me anywhere but the hospital. Despite all of this, I was still as calm as ever.
I thought that this was God's way of introducing Himself to me. I believed that it was God who took control of that car and placed me out of harm's way. After that, it was as if I could feel the presence of Jesus. I had never felt that close to Him before. I remember feeling as if my life had changed and my focus was now on Him.
Fourteen years later and I find myself thinking about that incident. As I replay it over and over again I can sense God saying to me now, "When your life was in peril, without having a chance to think, you did not panic. You did not try to take matters into your own hand. You let go and you let Me bring you to a place of safety. Just as you let go of the wheel of that car, let go of the wheel of your life and let Me guide you." For all that I've seen, for all that i've read, for all that He has shown Himself to be over and over again, the easiest decision I could ever make seems to be the hardest. I keep asking myself time after time, why is it so hard to let go and completely submit to the will of God? 21I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. 22For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: 23But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? 25I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin. Romans 7:21-24. I am thoroughly convinced that the greatest war I will ever fight is not with Satan, for he is a defeated foe. My greatest battle is with my own flesh.
I am going to end all of my posts from this moment forward with my favorite part, the benediction: Do good today, better tomorrow, seek to excel, and now may the grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ rest, rule, and abide. And our souls say.........Amen.
There was a time when I believed that for as much as you read the Bible and tried to live according to it's principles, that you really only knew of God. Like many of the characters of the Bible, you couldn't really know Him until you had an experience with Him. Abraham, Moses, and down to Paul. God introduced Himself to His people. Remember, this is what I believed. So I continued to read the Word hoping that God would one day introduce Himself to me.
April 9, 1996 there was an ice storm here in Delaware. It was an unusual day, especially for me. That evening I had experienced an unusual sense of calmness. It was almost as if I had been drugged. I could not, for the life of me, understand why I was feeling what I was feeling. That following morning I had to be at work at 6:30. I raced off to work in a hurry as always. I remember passing quite a few cars thinking that it was odd to see that many cars out at that time of the morning. Shortly after I had passed the crowd of cars, I hit a patch of ice. I had to be driving somewhere between 70-75mph. Accidents usually happen so fast that you don't have time to react. This time it was just the opposite. It seemed as if time slowed to a crawl. I had been trained to handle a vehicle during a slide. This time, I never reacted. It felt like I was watching a movie of myself; like it was just an image of me in the car, but I wasn't in it. I found myself sitting in the car sliding across the highway, thinking to myself. I thought about the cars I had recently passed, wondering how close they were. I looked up to see if I could see any coming. I hit the guardrail head-on, bounced off, slid back across the highway and hit the guardrail on the other side of the highway(didn't want that one to feel left out). When the car finally stopped, all four wheels were in the emergency lane and the cars I had passed were right there. I was facing oncoming traffic. Still, there was no sense of panic of nervousness. I sat there wondering how I was going to get to work. A gentleman asked me if I was okay, which I was. Miraculously, I only had a bruise on my shin and a cut on my knuckle. I was not wearing a seatbelt. When the police arrived I explained to him how I slid on the ice, but I could tell he was not buying it. Just as he began questioning me about how I really slid, a couple of cars starting sliding off the highway. You cannot tell me that God is not an on time God. The officer offered to take me to the hospital since I did not need an ambulance. I asked him to take me to work instead. He politely took me to the hospital. After that type of accident, he said there was no way he could take me anywhere but the hospital. Despite all of this, I was still as calm as ever.
I thought that this was God's way of introducing Himself to me. I believed that it was God who took control of that car and placed me out of harm's way. After that, it was as if I could feel the presence of Jesus. I had never felt that close to Him before. I remember feeling as if my life had changed and my focus was now on Him.
Fourteen years later and I find myself thinking about that incident. As I replay it over and over again I can sense God saying to me now, "When your life was in peril, without having a chance to think, you did not panic. You did not try to take matters into your own hand. You let go and you let Me bring you to a place of safety. Just as you let go of the wheel of that car, let go of the wheel of your life and let Me guide you." For all that I've seen, for all that i've read, for all that He has shown Himself to be over and over again, the easiest decision I could ever make seems to be the hardest. I keep asking myself time after time, why is it so hard to let go and completely submit to the will of God? 21I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. 22For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: 23But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? 25I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin. Romans 7:21-24. I am thoroughly convinced that the greatest war I will ever fight is not with Satan, for he is a defeated foe. My greatest battle is with my own flesh.
I am going to end all of my posts from this moment forward with my favorite part, the benediction: Do good today, better tomorrow, seek to excel, and now may the grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ rest, rule, and abide. And our souls say.........Amen.
Friday, August 20, 2010
After my first post I felt a sense of accomplishment. The day after, I was anxious to write more. My mind was flooded with ideas, so many that I struggled to keep up with them. When I was finally able, I sat at my computer and........nothing. My mind is always racing with various, but at that moment it went blank. I do not consider myself a writer, so it couldn't be writer's block. Besides, earlier I had more thoughts than I could count. I felt I needed to step back, to take a minute to gather myself and figure out just what was happening.
I began all of this, feeling as if this was something that God wanted me to do. I suddenly found myself questioning my own motives. Was I moving ahead without finding out from God if this is something that He planned for me? There are times when we call ourselves "doing something for God", yet not doing it with God. Jesus told his disciples "Apart from Me you can do nothing". What were my true motives? Was I doing this to satisfy self? Doing the right thing for the wrong reason isn't much different than doing the wrong thing for what you feel is the right reason. There is wrong in either of them. So there I sat, lost. Not really knowing why I was doing this blog thing. I had to ask God to help me to see myself, to see my motives. More than anything I felt I needed to apologize to Him for moving ahead without Him.
For the record, I never wish to paint myself as anything other than someone trying to find his way. I am as flawed and as messed up as the next person. For every mistake I make, God is there to show me and to teach me. I pray that as I continue to grow that I may be able to show and teach someone else who may be walking down some of the same paths that I walk. Just as Christ reaches out to me, I have a responsibility to reach out to others. Whenever I write, whatever I write, is meant to uplift everyone that reads it. I am passionate about the things I write and I pray that everything I write is from His inspiration.
Oh, and by the way, I do not proofread what I write. I hardly ever like what I write when I read it for myself. Thoughts????
I began all of this, feeling as if this was something that God wanted me to do. I suddenly found myself questioning my own motives. Was I moving ahead without finding out from God if this is something that He planned for me? There are times when we call ourselves "doing something for God", yet not doing it with God. Jesus told his disciples "Apart from Me you can do nothing". What were my true motives? Was I doing this to satisfy self? Doing the right thing for the wrong reason isn't much different than doing the wrong thing for what you feel is the right reason. There is wrong in either of them. So there I sat, lost. Not really knowing why I was doing this blog thing. I had to ask God to help me to see myself, to see my motives. More than anything I felt I needed to apologize to Him for moving ahead without Him.
For the record, I never wish to paint myself as anything other than someone trying to find his way. I am as flawed and as messed up as the next person. For every mistake I make, God is there to show me and to teach me. I pray that as I continue to grow that I may be able to show and teach someone else who may be walking down some of the same paths that I walk. Just as Christ reaches out to me, I have a responsibility to reach out to others. Whenever I write, whatever I write, is meant to uplift everyone that reads it. I am passionate about the things I write and I pray that everything I write is from His inspiration.
Oh, and by the way, I do not proofread what I write. I hardly ever like what I write when I read it for myself. Thoughts????
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Thoughts About My Father
When I was a kid I idolized my father. For whatever reason, he was like a super hero to me. As I grew older, I began to see him from a different perspective. I started to see the flaws in him. I still loved my father, but he was not the super hero that I made him out to be. He was just a man. There were so many things about him that I just didn't understand. I wanted him to be more than I thought he was. Somewhere along the way I lost sight of who he was and paid too much attention to who he wasn't. Because of that I couldn't appreciate him the way I should have.
When I was blessed with a family of my own, I began to have a better understanding of my father. While we never really had a lot of those father-son talks, we had one that completely changed everything I thought about him. He explained to me that he didn't have someone to teaching him how to be a husband and a father. He was learning on the job. He admitted that he had made a lot of mistakes, but how he was, what he was, was all that he knew how to be. He knew he wanted to be better. As he said to me that day, "I wasn't too old to learn." That statement alone changed how I saw my father. I didn't realize it at that time, but I was watching my father grow. I saw a side of my father that I had never seen. Once again, he became my hero. Here was a man in his sixties, with all of his kids grown, and he still wanted to be a better father and a better husband. I had the privilege of seeing him do both.
That was the only heart-to-heart that I ever had with my father. I wasn't the type to go to him when I had problems or when I found myself in need. The funny thing is, when he passed, one of the first things I thought was, "Where am I going to turn for advice?", "Who am I going to talk to now?" Nine years later, and I am just starting to understand why. Without ever saying a word, I was getting advice from my father just by watching him. I watched how he reacted in difficult times. I watched how he stayed strong despite circumstances that I'm sure must have made him, at times, feel weak. My father was the living example, for me, of all the do's and don'ts.
Now, there is a part of me that yearns to talk to my father. I realize now, that just watching wasn't enough. Sometimes I just want to know what he was feeling at various times. I want to know just what was going on underneath that calm exterior. I find myself wanting to know his emotions. As a father and a husband, at times it can be overwhelming to think that God has placed the well being of a couple of His children in my hands, and every decision I make, no matter how small it may seem, affects my family in some way, shape, or form. My father was limited in how much guidance he could provide. Now God wants me to stop looking to my father for guidance and turn to Him for guidance. I am learning day by day to look at life and my role as a husband and father thru God's perspective. I thank Him for my father and the examples he's shown me, both good and bad.
When I was blessed with a family of my own, I began to have a better understanding of my father. While we never really had a lot of those father-son talks, we had one that completely changed everything I thought about him. He explained to me that he didn't have someone to teaching him how to be a husband and a father. He was learning on the job. He admitted that he had made a lot of mistakes, but how he was, what he was, was all that he knew how to be. He knew he wanted to be better. As he said to me that day, "I wasn't too old to learn." That statement alone changed how I saw my father. I didn't realize it at that time, but I was watching my father grow. I saw a side of my father that I had never seen. Once again, he became my hero. Here was a man in his sixties, with all of his kids grown, and he still wanted to be a better father and a better husband. I had the privilege of seeing him do both.
That was the only heart-to-heart that I ever had with my father. I wasn't the type to go to him when I had problems or when I found myself in need. The funny thing is, when he passed, one of the first things I thought was, "Where am I going to turn for advice?", "Who am I going to talk to now?" Nine years later, and I am just starting to understand why. Without ever saying a word, I was getting advice from my father just by watching him. I watched how he reacted in difficult times. I watched how he stayed strong despite circumstances that I'm sure must have made him, at times, feel weak. My father was the living example, for me, of all the do's and don'ts.
Now, there is a part of me that yearns to talk to my father. I realize now, that just watching wasn't enough. Sometimes I just want to know what he was feeling at various times. I want to know just what was going on underneath that calm exterior. I find myself wanting to know his emotions. As a father and a husband, at times it can be overwhelming to think that God has placed the well being of a couple of His children in my hands, and every decision I make, no matter how small it may seem, affects my family in some way, shape, or form. My father was limited in how much guidance he could provide. Now God wants me to stop looking to my father for guidance and turn to Him for guidance. I am learning day by day to look at life and my role as a husband and father thru God's perspective. I thank Him for my father and the examples he's shown me, both good and bad.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)